Wherever, You Are Still Here

Chapter 2

“Annee, has the baby already eaten?”

“Yes, Madam. I have already fed them, and I will now put them to bed.”

“Alright, Annee.”

“Madam, I didn’t see the sir,” Annee asked. “He hasn’t eaten either.”

“Why? Isn’t he with the kids?”

“No, Madam. The kids are only in the playroom.”

“Alright, go and put the little ones to bed. I’ll look after Jacques.”

Where is Jacques? “Wherever he is, I don’t need to worry or care. He is not a little kid.” I murmured to myself and came to bed to write a diary. I used to write one letter to him every day, to my first love, John Berry.

During our time at university, everyone used to call him John; however, I wanted to stand out or sound different than them, so I would call him “Johnny.” But he didn’t like it when I would call him Johnny, though. He would get angry.

He is the one who taught me to write a diary. He is the one who taught me to think and to imagine. He is the one who taught the meaning of life, and there are so many things to feel, to like and love, and to be happy about. When I used to say “sky,” he would tell me about the galaxies and the universe. When I used to say the “beauty,” he would tell me about the sea, the mountain, the heart, the mind, and consciousness—the inner and outer beauty that we need to conceive or improve. My friends often asked how one could be with or love this philosophical man who talks about life and its meanings. But the same philosophical man started dancing with me until he got exhausted after he fell in love with me. He could not make a cup of tea before meeting me, but he learned to cook the best food in the world for me. The things, the places we didn’t match to each other, we learned to adapt to the gaps by living. John told me once, “If you love someone truly, you don’t need to change their whole personalities, but one or two do no harm.”

He gave me my freedom. He never told me “yes” or “no.” I was free to do whatever I wanted to do. “John. Where are you in the world now? Why did you leave me alone here, giving me no reason to live?”

I was lying on the bed and thinking. All of a sudden, I heard someone banging on the door. It woke me up from my deep thoughts. I took a check of the time, and it was 11.00 P.M. “Who would be banging on the door so hard at this time?” I thought. Whoever it was, I thought, and went down. Annee was already there, standing alone in the dark and scared. Jacques was not around to be seen. Who would be banging on the door at night when two females are alone?

“Open the door. Everyone dead or what?”

Oh my goodness, it was Jacques. I opened the door quickly. As soon as I opened the door, Jacques fell on the floor. Annee was terrified and let out a loud cry.

“Annee! Don’t make a sound. The kids will wake up.” I shushed her. “Help me take this man to the bedroom.”

With the help of Annee, I took Jacques to the bedroom.

I looked at him, and a surge of anger filled my mind. I went to the corner, opened the mini refrigerator in our bedroom, and took out the cold water bottle. I took out the cap from the bottle and angrily splashed its water onto his face. I could not even imagine why I am behaving like this when I should be taking care of him when he is drunk.

With two or three English phrases, he woke up.

“What is this, Jacques?” I asked him angrily. “How irresponsible could you be?”

He looked at me and then at Annee. I looked at Annee and told her to go down. Annee opened and closed the door slowly.

“Why can’t you think about the two kids at home?”

As soon as I said this, Jacques looked at me, the anger appeared on his face, and he tried to stand up. Slowly, he stood up and started coming closer to me. His eyes were red. Is it because he cried? No, it couldn’t be. I thought. It must be because of alcohol.

However, I thought I should step back because I have never seen Jacques like this before. The closer he came, the much backward I stepped. The nerves in his hand were visible. He looked at me angrily. I reached the wall, and there were no ways I could go anymore. No matter how confident I am lecturing students at the university, I felt like an innocent deer in the mouth of a lion; I appeared weak in Jacques' hands. He grabbed my shoulder tightly. “Stop it, Jacques.” I cried. “You’re hurting me.” His mouth smelled so bad. He was drunk.

“What did you say?” He shouted, but his voice came out in a hushed tone. “That I’m irresponsible? How about you? Do you even care about those two little kids? Do you even ask whether they eat or not? If there were no Annee, they would be dead. What do you even do? Do you have any idea? For 24 hours, you just think about that dead man. That shit is killing you and our family.”

I could not hear what he was saying anymore. I raised my hand and hit it so hard on his right cheek. “Shut up. Don’t tell me one more word.” I said and cried. “I will kill you and kill myself.”

He looked at me for a second. His anger was on top of his head. “Kill. Kill me. Kill those two little kids. Kill yourself. I am getting sick and tired of all this shit now.” He turned and hit so hard on the cupboard beside the bed and went towards the bathroom. He opened the bathroom door and cried. “Do you even care about us other than that piece of shit?” He slammed the door shut.

I don’t know what just happened to me. I could not even imagine myself. I don’t get angry like this. I went to the refrigerator and took out the beer can and went to the balcony. I thought this was the best thing I could do for now.

Since the day we got married, Jacques has never gotten angry like that or shouted. He always cares for me patiently, but now this patience feels like a sharp knife.

Jacques. John.

These people feel like a movie in my life—a romantic story that we sit in one corner and read non-stop.

Chapter 3 to be continued.............................

Hi! I am Buddhi. I am a teacher and a student of philosophy, Buddhism, and old and ancient knowledge and wisdom. My dream is to read every single book in the world and write new books for the future generation. I have written many stories, but I could not publish them because of my financial instability. That is the one reason I started this YouTube channel where I talk about the stories and some of the Buddha's teachings to meet you all, readers. Please watch the video, like it, comment your thoughts and opinions, and subscribe to the channel for more.